


Rock and Roll Romeos

by jcrycolr3wradc



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: And Bilbo gets the book shop, Bagginshield is way way later, F/M, Gen, Good Omens has a cameo for about 30 seconds, I know, M/M, No canon in sight, No one get too excited, Then Crowley and Aziraphale leave because they hate the music, check back in a couple chapters, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcrycolr3wradc/pseuds/jcrycolr3wradc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clubs Erebor and Greenwood have a blood feud, if you could believe such a thing in 2013. However Legolas Greenleaf is looking for some excitement in life, and finds that and so much more when he meets Gimli Durin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue, or In Fair Soho where we lay our scene...

Prologue

"In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean."  
-Act1 Scene 1  
Romeo and Juliet 

“The Herald 1990.  
Today we are excited to announce the opening of the newest club to hit the scene, Erebor. This club is unique in its style and flavor. Bored of the repetitive pop clubs to hi the scene? No longer, for Erebor adds a refreshing Metal twist to the lifestyle. Located in Soho, on Wardour St. it is immediately recognizable by the very interesting dragon skull hanging on its doors. Inside it feels more like the Viking halls of old rather than any club. Only it’s large stage with gilded dragonesque wings carved into its front make it’s true nature apparent. Club owner Thrain gave the Herald a look into the clubs creation.   
“It’s been a long time in the making. My family has been supportive all the way through. I think that’s why Im doing it, to give others a chance to feel the same sense of belong as I’ve I been blessed with.” He introduces us to his son Thorin, no older than 20, who looks like his father with dark looks and an attitude like a Byronic hero. “The plan is to have it kept in Durin’s name for as long as possible, so my son will be taking it after me.”   
We at the Herald wish him all the luck and success in the world, and expect Erebor to be one of the most memorable clubs in while.”

“The Herald 1995   
Hundreds of people clog Wardour st tonight eagerly awaiting the opening of the club Greenwood. From the outside it might seem like your average club, if significantly larger, but this reporter got an inside look. Inside it bears a closer resemblance to a classic Greek temple, with tall pillars carved into the shapes of trees and a large skylight that makes you feel the party is outside with stars overhead. Under your feet though is the real attraction. The floor is regularly spaced plexi glass that allows for a look into an underground lake that was installed as an early addition by club owner Thrandruil Greenleaf. It feels less like a club and more like a work of art. The owner himself isn’t too hard on the eyes either. Platinum blonde, and dressed in a tailored white suit, he cuts an impressive image against the dark of night. In his arms he holds his youngest son, who is dressed adorably in a miniature suit like his daddy’s. Thrandruil’s wife was the famous fashion designer out of Sweden who, died tragically last year in a boating accident in the south of France. This club, explains Thrandruil, is partly a memorial to his beloved. Greenwood is the same name of her line.   
As the clock strikes 12, the doors to Greenwood open and the mob rushes forward. The Herald has a good feeling about this one.”

“Eulogies Hard Rock Magazine 2000  
Today we would like to acknowledge the loss of a very special member of our community. Today we mourn the loss of Thrain Durin, owner of the club Erebor. As of yet none of the family have come forward to explain what exactly happened to Thrain but his son Thorin has come forward to announce that a memorial service will be held at the club and that he will take over Erebor, as his father would have wanted. No information has yet come forward as to how exactly he died, but many people suspect foul play. A source who prefers to remain nameless says there was yet another fight between the patrons of Erebor and Greenwood. Police haven’t given a statement yet either, but we at Hard Rock would like to postulate this won’t be the first or the last blood spilled due to the feuding clubs.”

November 2012  
“So Erebor or Greenwood?”   
“You think I bloody care, there’s an equal chance of getting twisted one way or another!”  
“You’re right about that. Did you here last week, one of the lads for Erebor got arrested. Had the whole place crawling with coppers.”  
“Had to happen eventually. Which one, Thorin’s lads or-“  
“One of the brothers who hangs around. The ginger who dresses like a snitch.”   
“Ha. Should have known.”   
“Let’s go to Greenwood tonight. There’s always a chance you catch Him slagging about.”


	2. Chapter One, Thinking Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonist ladies and gentlemen!

CHAPTER ONE THINKING OF YOU 

“I was down for you, hardcore.  
While you were out trying to score.  
Found out you're full of it.  
I'm over it.  
So suck my dick.”  
-Keh$ha Thinking of you

March 2013

I fumble with the phone for a just a second before readjusting my grip on the steering wheel so I can look at the road and the phone. 

Text from Arwen *FYI Hal with some ginger tart. Pic 4 ur eyes only. C U @ the club?*  
The attached photo is of Haldir making out with a tall ginger, hand curled in his hair and wearing the shirt I’d bought him last week. A replacement for one I’d torn at his apartment. Not my fault it was at least a size too small to try and show off his non-existent muscles and therefore difficult to get off in a passionate moment. Now it looks like his small pecs and self-confidence issues belong to a ginger. 

What a bitch. 

Idly I glance at the date. Only 5 months since we started sleeping together, usually my partners last at least 6.  
Huh, bit ahead of schedule but whatever. 

Return Text * Thx U know it. ;)* 

It’s 7 by the time I turn into the lot behind the Tesco that’s a block from the club. I learned my lesson from parking in front. Spray painted dicks and smashed windows and slashed tires galore. It’d been such a nice car too. I’d return the favor but everyone knows the Durin’s only own motorbikes. I’d settled for stealing all their helmets instead. They were trashy anyway. They looked much better at the bottom of the Thames, in my humble option. 

I only use the stage door to get into the club nowadays. One of the DJ’s gives me a nod from the booth as I cross to the bar, which I also have a key to. Can’t quite remember his name. I get him a scotch on rocks anyway. 

“Hi, though you want something before tonight.” I open the door and walk casually behind him, trailing a hand along his shoulders, before setting the drink down next to the mixer. He startles under my hand and gives me a second glance. I smile innocently and give a cheerful goodbye. I make sure to make eye contact and swish my hips as I leave. 

Step 1 rebound, done and done. 

Step 2, find Haldir and back hand him. 

Before step 2 can start two other things must happen. First I must avoid the twins and Father. And Aldon. At least Maglor had the good sense to go play his guitar off in Wales. However this is easily done because Father and Aldon will be busily discussing business type things with Elrond until the club actually opens. Then they’ll both go home. Unless Erebor decides to start shit, and that’s always a possibility. 

Last night there was nearly a fight literally outside the doors, however it was luckily prevented by people almost being run down by the classic Bently that parks outside the bookstore a few doors down. 

I should also have to find Arwen. She has a very reliable network of gossips but I’m very curious as to how she got such a picture.  
The second part of this plan goes off without a hitch. I find Arwen sitting on one of the small balconies that line the second story of the club, where VIP members hangout. She has her nose in a book whilst also texting someone (probably Aragon). But alas I also find her brothers, who are doing their very best to pretend that they are the sophisticated motherfuckers they think they are and not the irritating Weasly brother ripoffs they are. 

“Hello Legolas! We were just hearing the tale of your romance woe from darling sister.” Elladan (or Elrohir) tells me brightly, smiling with a hint of teeth. 

“Yes, our sweeting has just been texting the entire tale to her beloved beau.” The other one says. Arwen’s frigid look is enough to make him shut up. She’s only gotten better at that as we’ve grown up. “Ah well, it seems we’ve worn out welcome and I do say it’s gotten quite cramped up here.” Dan, or Ro exclaims patting himself clean before squeezing past me (was getting that close to my face necessary? The door way isn’t that narrow. Perv.) The other sighs from where he’d been sitting next to Arwen, dropping a kiss on her head before standing.

“Give our best to Aragorn, and don’t forget to tell him father won’t approve and that he’ll expect pigs to fly by the end of the week.” Ro, or Dan teases before striding after his brother. I roll my eyes and take the abandoned spot next to Arwen. 

“Found Haldir yet?” She asks, already back in her book. 

“No I came to find you first.” The view from the second story isn’t stunning, you can even see any of the landmarks London is famous for from here, but you get a good view of Erebor and people are slowly starting to arrive on motorbikes, all of them greeting each other with a degree of familiarity. Their massive bouncer is already out. 6’6 easily that one with a Mohawk and tattoos over his neck and knuckles. 

“I’m flattered you decided to come speak to me before assuredly starting a bitch fight.” She says, no small measure of affection in her tone. 

“You’re welcome.” I’m staring at the Erebor people as they park. I can make out Thorin Durin get off his bike and almost with in the same breath start ordering others around. It’s too far away to hear what he says but everyone hops to. 

Let me describe Thorin Durin for you, tall, dark and handsome would be the best jumping point. He stands fairly tall, 6 foot easy and broad in the shoulders. I’ve heard more than one girl wish for a “forbidden romance” with him. Tch, somehow I doubt it, I think he’s more in love with his club than anything.  
His entire family works for him too. I don’t think anyone who isn’t blood works at the club. I’ve seen his sister with him often enough. When I was only 15 there were rumors circulating that the reason her husband was dead and he wasn’t married was because they were more interested in each other. But like I said I doubt it. He’s in love with his club. 

The same way my father is basically. 

I start as a soft hand lands on my shoulder. I turn and find Arwen is looking at me with that rather dewy eyed concern she occasionally applies to the unsuspecting. I know it well. She used it when I was 14 and became the first to know about my preoccupation with cocks and not with birds. 

Uh oh. 

“Are you alright? You don’t usually act this way after a break up.” Her arm has moved to the small of my back, rubbing comfortingly. 

“I’m fine. I didn’t even like Haldir that much. He wasn’t much of a lay.” Too selfish in bed and always flexing and preening like a peacock. Idiot. 

“Yet?” she asks, her hand on my arm now, anchoring me to the moment. 

There’s a silence that stretches and curls around us both like an overly affectionate cat. My eyes drift down to growing crowd in front of Erebor. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing a huge chunk of yourself? Like there’s a song that you can’t remember the words or title or the artist of, but it’s in your head constantly. And no matter what you do you can’t remember if it actually exist or if you just made it up?” I speak softly, forehead pressed to railing, not taking my eyes off the scene beneath us. “Sometimes it just feels like I’m missing part of who I am. I didn't think that Haldir was that part but when I was with him, it was a good distraction.” I sigh. “I think that’s what they've all been. Really good distractions.” 

Arwen doesn't answer for a while, while it continues to darken around us. Slowly the night life is appearing around us. I’m only just starting to hear a heavy beat from Erebor when she finally speaks again. I’m expecting for her to give me some kind of cliché, some Disney princess shit, something femmy and ridiculous. 

“So what you’re saying is you’re in desperate need of a cock?” Startled I whip my head around to look at her. Her grey eyes are glinting in humor and a need to break the tension that has fallen over us. 

“I- you-huh.” I can't even articulate. Her serious expression finally breaks into a grin. “You little-“ I shake my head, my own mouth twitching into a smile. “No one believes me when I say that you are just as wicked as I.” She laughs, pulling me up with her as she stands. 

“Well everyone expects it from you.” 

But aside from her bullshitting with me, I look in her eyes and can tell she cares. 

“Legolas, maybe you should think about taking a break from all this,” she gestures to the two clubs, lines gathering outside either, both crowds champing at the bit to get in, “for a while. Go somewhere, get out of London. It’s all you've known. You should be able to see out of the club scene for once.” She kisses me on the forehead before turning and leaving, presumably to change into “proper” clothes. (Or at least what is proper in a club that plays nothing but dance remixes of Ke$ha and Dubstep, a halter top and mini skirt, and kitten heels. It flatters her though. She’s tall and slender and a grey eyed beauty. If I swung that way I’d fight Aragorn for her. As it is, I feel lucky to know them both.) 

I take one last look over the rail into the crowd below us. 

Next door, it’s all dark colors and rough voices, too much screaming and drinking. Everyone sounds like they’re in a contest to be the most intense, and brutal. They all think they’re so “real”. Liars. At least those who visit Greenwood are honest with their falseness. I can see it in the “bi” guys and the extensions in the hair of the birds and the at least that’s normal to me. I wouldn't know the first thing about trying to get through all the bullshit of the “metal” crowd. 

I’m comfortable where I am. Not happy all the time but comfortable. I can live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to any Legolas fans reading. Please don't take this too seriously. I swear I'm working on a one shot that doesn't have anything to do with this AU, and Legolas is much more serious. I would love any feedback you care to give. Also I apologize to Haldir fans. But in all fairness this is the most fun I've had writing in a while. Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter Two Grow a Pear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haldir gets a drink thrown in his face and Legolas gets dared to do a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god we'll get to Gimli soon. Next chapter even has a Manowar song as it's title.

Chapter Two Grow a Pair.

“But you cry about this  
And whine about that  
When you grow a pear  
You can call me back  
-Ke$ha Grow a Pear”

Haldir is getting thrown out of the club. 

Haldir is covered in a the remains of a vodka on the rocks. 

These two things are connected. I may have had something to do with the covered-in-vodka bit. Hope he knows to stay away from open flames. I wonder if his new beau smokes? 

Arwen is dragging me away from the floor towards one of the staircases that leads up to the VIP rooms and my father’s offices. 

“What was that?” her manicured nails are digging into my arm. 

“He deserved it.” I’d be more surly about it but the floor is tilting under my feet and I’d be worried about falling if I didn’t know that Arwen has such a firm grasp on my arm.  
How many drinks have I had tonight? I only threw one of them at Haldir. 

“Little sister, why don’t you go fetch poor Legolas a glass of water. I think he needs to sober up a tad, hmmm?” Arwen’s hand is suddenly pried away and I feel the groan in my throat more than I hear it over the pounding music. 

“Oh please do bugger off.” Let it never be said I’m not an eloquent drunk. Maybe not Wilde but close enough. 

“It’ll all be alright now Legolas. We’ve got you.” Elladan says, Elrohir taking my other side so they can drag me half stumbling up the stairs.  
‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’

***

“Here drink this.” Elrohir hands me another drink. (Just where is Arwen with that bloody water?) 

“I don’t like bloody mary’s but cheers anyhow.” I flip a hand in his general direction. 

“It’ll cure your hangover faster.” Elladan says, lounging on a fold out chair.

“I have my own cures thank you.” I sniff, covering my eyes, because it’s too bright in here, compared to the dark and laser lit dance floor.  
Under the dark of my hand I can both hear and feel the music pumping downstairs, and vibrating around the building. It sounds like it might be some kind of Jay-Z dance remix. Good, so I’m not missing anything special. 

I start as a hand lands on my knee, quickly uncovering my eyes. Dan and Ro are studying me rather intently. Occasionally the twins kind of creep me the hell out. I think they might be able to read minds. Ro cocks his head to one side just slightly, dark hair falling over his shoulder. 

“Legolas. How would you like to do us a favor?” He asks, never taking those eyes off my face. 

Goddamnit. Just where the hell is Arwen? Did Aragorn actually show up tonight? 

“It depends.” I swallow, aiming for casual and probably hitting scared-as-a-virgin instead. “What kind of favor?” 

They look at each other and I’m suddenly feeling less drunk as a shiver races down my spine, making feel like it’s been infused with steel. 

“Nothing you can’t handle.” Dan says, noticing my suddenly impeccable posture. 

“Indeed. Should be quite simple for the man who just doused Hal in vodka.” Ro grins slightly. 

“That was totally his fault.” I snap before thinking. Both of them are smiling now. 

“Of course. Who else’s could it be?” Dan says. 

“Just tell me about this thing you want me to do.” I snap, wishing I had something to throw in their faces. 

Before either of them can speak again Arwen has finally come back with the water. She looks like she’s still sober, probably to sneak out tonight to see Aragorn, while her brother’s party and her father spends time with mine. 

“Thank you.” I grab the water and start drinking it. I’m not sure if I’m thanking her for the drink or for saving me from whatever her brothers want. Both, I think. 

She gives a graceful wave, and turns to look at her brothers. I think she can sense they were causing chaos. Bravely, (foolishly) they ignore her and focus on me. 

“As we were saying before our sister interrupted us, it’s nothing troublesome.” Elladan says. 

“Yes, all we want for you to do is go to Erebor.” Elrohir continues. 

I drop the glass. 

What? 

“What?” Arwen verbalizes for me. 

By this point it should be abundantly clear that there is a problem between Greenwood and Erebor. Rather ridiculous really. But it’s been this way for as long as I can remember, something about them just makes us absolutely kill them. Their music, the way they talk, their weird familiar ties to the business, all of it. Father nearly went to prison because of it. 

And they hate Us just as much. 

So as you can imagine those who wander into Erebor tend to come out lacking fingers or with broken collar bones or fleeing London.  
Arwen looks as shocked as a I feel, considering the twins just told me to go willfully get fucked. 

“Look he said he wanted a distraction, didn’t he?” he looks at Arwen pointedly. “And he’s already gone through half the blokes here. I think we’re pas the point of ‘distractions’ over here. So why not?” Ro says. 

Arwen looks furious. “Why not? Because they’ll kill him. Son of the club owner that locked up one their own? Did you forget that fight last night was exactly about that? He wouldn’t last five minutes.” She hisses, gesturing to me. I shoot her an injured look.

Is that really what she thinks of me? That I need protecting? Who died and made her my mother? 

“Legolas, tell them this is terrible idea.” She spins and faces me. I look at her eyes, sparking with anger and something else. Fear maybe? 

I look at her, then I look at Elladan and Elrohir. They’re heads are cocked to one side, just studying me. This isn’t just them arseing about. They’re testing me. Haldir is a friend of theirs, I recall distantly. They want to see me break and fail, just because of him. 

Oh well bugger that nonsense. 

“Yeah, sure I can do that.” I lean back, Ro’s hand falling off my knee finally. Take that. 

For a moment the only noise in the room is Ke$ha. Should have known she’d be on my side. 

Arwen is looking at me like I’ve lost my wits. I level a stare right back at her. She knows better than to dare me against anything. Elladan and Elrohir have recovered from their shock nicely and look triumphant. 

“When shall I go, now?” I ask, cocking my head. 

“You cannot be serious.” Arwen says flatly. 

“Why not? I can do it.” I shrug. “Walk in, look around, and get out.” 

“Oh yes, and they simply won’t notice the son of their most hated enemy in their club.” Her bracelets jingle as she throws her hands up. 

“Sweeting don’t worry. There’s a back door.” Ro looks like a cat in cream. 

“There’s one more thing we want you to do for us.” Dan says. 

Oh. No. 

“Take one of their guitars.”

“Fuck no.” I say. There’s taking a risk then there’s a death wish. 

“Oh please. You can do it. Just sneak into their storage room and nick one.” 

“If you want one so badly, you go. Seems you’ve been in there often enough.” I snap. 

“Of course we have. We just thought you would want this opportunity for some excitement.” Ro stretches casually. 

“I don’t need this kind of excitement.” I huff. 

“Are you sure? I think you need a change of pace from shagging every bloke who’s come through the door.” Dan says. 

“Sod off. I can do whatever I want.” I stand up and wrench the door open. At the moment there’s no fear on my mind. Only anger and the need to wipe that fucking smirk off the twins faces’. 

I can hear Arwen calling my name but it’s so quiet in comparison to the music and my own heart beat that I don’t think it even really matters. I’m pushing my way past the back door when she, Elladan, and Elrohir catch up. 

“Legolas, wait! Think about what you’re about to do.” She gets in front of me, grabbing my shoulders and trying to meet my eyes. “If they see you or figure out that you stole something from them, they will kill you.” 

“We we’re only having a bit of fun Legs. We didn’t think you were seriously –“

“Where’s their back door?” 

“You can’t possibly –“ 

“If you don’t tell me I’ll go in through the front.” I take Arwen’s hands off my shoulders, still walking around to Erebor. 

“Well don’t blame us if you come back lacking certain extremities.” Ro sighs finally. We walk around to the narrow spaces between buildings and quickly cross the street to avoid being seen from either building. Ro leads us to Erebor, a squatter and longer building than Greenwood. There, in-between the space next to the dumpster is a dark door which I can tell from 3 feet away is only being held closed by a chain that isn’t even locked. 

“Legolas. Please.” Arwen is trying one last time to convince me not to do this. 

I’m going to ignore her of course. 

“I’ll be back soon.” I promise before slipping through the door.

Leaving my friends and the night behind me, I enter Erebor.


	4. CHAPTER 3 KINGS OF METAL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look who's here! It's Gimli. And the other Durin's get mentioned. Also kissing. And Metal. And Bass.

CHAPTER 3 KINGS OF METAL

They wanna keep us down   
But they can't last   
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass   
Gonna keep on burning   
We always will  
-Kings of Metal, Manowar.

I enter into the building proper, the first thing that hits me is the absolutely ear shattering music. The music in Greenwood is pretty loud but it’s still muffled off the dance floor. Here I can hear the lyrics and instrumental perfectly clearly as if I was standing right next to the stage. 

It’s also darker than I expected. It’s not as though clubs are well lit to begin with but there are only bare blubs lighting the small hallway I’ve found myself in. 

I can see where the hall leads, out into dance floor and there’s a set of stairs in the other direction. I look carefully behind me as I mount them, climbing to the second floor. 

It’s a little bit quieter but I can still hear the crowd singing along rapturously. In the dim light I squint at the labels on the doors. Occasionally I freeze, think I hear footfalls behind me, but it’s just the frantic beating of my heart or the hardcore rhythm of the drums downstairs. Finally I find a likely looking door, marked “Band Supplies”, in surprisingly neat handwriting. I try the door. It’s locked of course. I sigh and kick it in frustration. To my surprise it jiggles a little. So not a strong lock. I kick it once, twice, three times before it finally opens. I grope for a light switch and close the door behind me. 

Inside there is all the equipment I would expect Erebor to have, Speakers as tall as I am, boxes of wire, cords and all kinds of spare instruments. Most of the are chained and locked to their stands but I finally find what I’m looking for. An unchained guitar, laying on top of a box. It’s slightly scuffed looking but fuck it, no one said it had to be a nice looking guitar. 

I pick my way over to it, across things that simply must not have fit on the shelves. I grab it by the neck and turn before I hear something. 

There are defiantly footsteps right outside the door. Shitshitshit, fuck, bugger, why me? 

I keep my hold on guitar and practically dive behind some boxes and curl up tightly as possible. The fucking thing is jabbing me in the ribs and I can feel fear creepy clammy fingers up my spine. 

If I hadn’t been sober before I sure as hell am now. There’s a space in between the boxes where I can see the door. 

I watch as the door opens and a man, enter, leaving it wide open behind him. He disappears from my vision as he comes closer. 

RIGHT AT ME. 

“Gimli! Come on! Thorin’s riding my ass. Get out here!” another man pokes his head around the door. 

“Gimme a minute. I thought it was here.” The first, Gimli says before coming over to where I am, probably looking at where the guitar had been a minute before. 

Oh fuck. I have to decide if I want to be caught curled up like a child or stand like the grown ass man I am. I slowly sit up as he gets ready to lean over and both narrowly avoid head-butting each other. 

“Shit!” He jerks back abruptly, eyes wild and a hand going to belt where I can see he has a knife clipped to his belt.   
Before I can say anything a voice shouts, “Aye lad, you alright?” 

The guy gives me a…look. I don’t really know what to call it. It’s fierce but he also looks as cautious I feel. And there’s something else in his green eyes. Like I’m looking into a pond and there’s a shiny coin or gem at the bottom. I’ll I want is to reach out and grab it. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a mo.” He shouts over his shoulder eyes never leaving mine. 

He kicks the door closed with his foot, the music growing dimmer. I study him with more intent. He’s shorter than me by nearly a head but is built like he plays rugby. He has on a tight black shirt, with a faded band name on it. He wearing leather cuffs on each fist and has tied back ginger-as-sin hair, to go with beard. There’s a helix piercing in his left ear as well. My eyes keeping going to his eyes though. Green as anything and he’s looking at me with just as much curiosity. I must look pretty bad by now, after laying on the floor and recovering from being halfway drunk. 

“What are you doing with my bass?” He finally asks. He sounds rather northern. 

“I could tell you I’m a groupie.” I say, before I can stop my mouth. He snorts and crosses thick arms across his chest. 

“Not the kind of birds I usually get. So try again.” He drops a hand down to the knife. 

“I’m here to steal it. For a bet.” I say finally. He makes a choked sound and before he can properly start shouting or shank me or whatever, the door opens. I throw myself down behind the box. 

“Gimli? Seriously you need to get on stage.” 

“Sorry. I just haven’t found my bass yet.” 

“Just use Fili’s old one. Thorin’s coming this way and he’ll throw you out there singing soprano. Bad enough you showed up late.” 

“I got it Ori. I’ll be there two seconds.” 

The door closes again and I slowly sit up again. 

Did he just say that he “lost” his guitar? 

He turns to face me again, that look in his eyes is back. 

“I want it back, you understand? If you fucking scratch it, I’ll find you and remove you balls through the back of you goddamn throat.” He growls. I nod, standing slowly. This cant be real it. This cant be that easy. 

“Thanks.” 

“Yeah, well the hell out before Thorin catches you.” He opens the door. I hold out my hand. Gimli looks at me suspiciously before grabbing and shaking firmly. Spontaneously I yank forward and we end up colliding in a head-butt and kiss. 

Our noses slam painfully and if my ears weren’t already ringing from the music then they would from the force. Our lips land on each other though, and that was the point. His lips are chapped and I can feel his teeth from behind them. But they’re also very warm and real. His hand tightens compulsively on mine and for a moment the world feels like it stopped to spin. His green green eyes are wide and I can see the gold flecks like sunlight through trees on a summer day. They look like mine. 

Not literally. Mine are a common blue. I’ve had lovers compliment them before but they’re nothing special. But I can see the same want in his. The same need to get out. My head is spinning when I finally back off, three seconds later, turn and run for the stairs. 

**

“Here!” I shove the guitar at Elladan, who is passing a cigarette between to Elrohir. He nearly drops the damn thing. 

“Don’t you fucking do that again.” Arwen is in my face now, looking mad as I’ve ever seen her. “I nearly called the bloody cops.” She throws her arms around me. 

“Nothing happened.” I say, stroking her back and hair gently. We’ve been raised together and sometimes I forge she might as well be my sister. 

“So you actually got it. Well done. Dan didn’t think you’d have the balls.” Ro says, examining it more closely. In the night light with only a street light, its’ scratches disappeared and the black finish glows dimly.

“He did. Partially.” Dan agrees, puting his chin on Ro’s shoulder. “That’s bass.” 

“Well when Thorin fucking Durin is coming up hard on your ass you don’t discriminate.” I snap. 

“At least I know you have the dick you claimed to, now.” He says, raising an eyebrow before Ro hands it back to me. 

“What the hell I’m I suppose to do with this?” I take the bass. 

“Might as well keep it. Or it could be worth some money.” Dan says. 

“Great thanks.” I roll my eyes as Elladan and Elrohir walk back towards Greenwood. 

“You’re really okay?” Arwen says, laying a hand on my arm. “You look…off.” She’s looking right at my eyes. I break contact and start walking off.

“Tell father I left if he asks. I’m going home.” 

“Okay. Goodnight” she calls.

I wave shoulder headed back towards my car. When I get there I shove the thing in my back seat. It sits there, looking lonely and dull compared to slick leather of my backseat. I think it misses its’ master's hand.

“Yeah well fuck you too.” I mutter before slamming the door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you he'd get here. It only took him what, four chapters? Pah whatever. I feel like people might be disappointed by this chapter because Gimli gets here. Also I'm basing the kiss on a personal experience. Sometime you just gotta make out with a guy. I swear he'll get more screen time later. But hey there will be music shit, archery shit and Arod next time! I want to thank the support my reviewers! I truly appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 4 Call me Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legolas watches Pulp Fiction and make a late night call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only been like a year since I've updated. Hi guys. This fic is finally getting some more attention.

 

CHAPTER 4

CALL ME MAYBE

I park in front of my flat and get the bass out of my backseat, holding it at arms length. Still not completely trusting this thing.

As soon as I open the door I’m accosted by Arod. Arod is my three year old grey Great Dane.

He was a present from my father, when I moved out. I assume it was because he was worried for my safety and not because he was trying to make a point about ‘the bigger the better’ or something.

Oh well. Who knows?

“Down Arod. Dont slobber on the gui- I mean the bass. I’m not sure if I can give it to you as a chew toy yet.” I say as I push the door closed with my foot. The apartment is lit only with my kitchenette lights and a dim light from my charging laptop.

I set the bass down on my table while Arod follows me around, clearly hoping for some snacks.

I get out a half finished pint of ice cream for myself with some wine and a box of peanut butter dog snacks for him.

“Okay buddy, you pick the movie.” I say as I arrange our feast on the coffee table.      

Arod snuffles along the shelves where I keep my dvds and lets out a soft bark to get my attention.

“Pulp Fiction huh? Nice choice.” I start the movie and lay down on the couch.

I absently eat my ice cream and and mouth the words ‘Does he look like a bitch?’ along with Jules. I drink my wine and scratch Arod’s ears while Mia overdoses on heroin.

I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling thinking about Gimli and the bass and the club as Honey Bunny and Pumpkin hold up the diner.

Why would he do that? Just give me his bass. It doesn’t exactly seem like the type of thing to get him in Thorin’s good books.

Why?

I get up from the couch and stretch, looking at the clock.

2:38 in the morning.

That’s fine. I don’t exactly have anything to do tomorrow. Besides my father and the club, my main source of income is teaching archery three hours twice a week, to the upper crust spawn of London.

I wander over the counter where I left the bass laying. In the proper light it looks even worse, scratched and scuffed and one string is longer and curling than the rest.

“I should just throw you out.” I tell it, running a hand over the body. “It’s not like I will ever have another chance to meet your owner again. Even I’m amazed I didn’t die tonight.” As I run a thumb along the very bottom, next to where it plugs into the amp cords, I feel something odd. There’s tape or something. Frowning I pick it up and flip it over to examine it closely.

“Property of Gimli Durin. 020 2879 0120”

I grin slightly.

Oh this is going to be so much fun.

I grab my phone and type in the number, before sending a simply text.

*Hello?*

I’ve barely turned away to get some water when the phone buzzes on the counter. I should expect that, after all he is a creature of the night like myself.

*Who the hell is this???* Is the returned text.

*I think you should guess*

*I think you should tell me before I find you*

*Ooooh Touchy? ;)*

*No. Its 3 in the morning. I’m grumpy*

*Hi grumpy. Nice to meet you. I’m Legolas*

There’s a long pause, I drink my water and keep an eye on the phone. After I while I consider giving up and just going to bed. Then the phone rings. I grin and pick it up.

“GIVE ME BACK MY BASS, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I have to hold the phone away from my ear as a sudden shout nearly deafens me.

“I didn’t hear a please.” I say. Who cares if this is kinda suicidal? It’s more fun than I’ve had in an age.

“Please give me back my fucking bass before I find you and cave your head in with it.”

“Wow. Has anyone ever told you that you are rather violent? And anyway, I’m kinda fond of it. I think I might keep it.” I say plucking idly at a string.

“The hell you will, you blond tit. Do you even know how to play?”

“No, but I can learn. You can even teach me if you want.” I say generously.

There’s a surprised bark of laughter from the other side.

“No I don’t think I will be. Look just give it back to me and we can pretend this whole thing never happened. I’ll even convince my cousin to stop keying up the cars in front of Greenwood.”

I pause and tilt my head to the side. He’s right of course. I should give it back and go on with my life. Pretend this entire episode never happened and everything will go back to my version of normal.

“Okay then. Do you know where Four Seasons is?” I ask. I’m a soft touch for chinese food.

“Wait really?”  
“Yes really. Just don’t bring any friends and I will give you back your bass, “ I pause and decide to make this a little more interesting “After lunch.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah. Fair trade right? I’ll even pay.”

“What the bugger, are, are, you asking me on a date?”

“Um, no. I’m practicing for my future career as a Bond villain.”

Theres another bout of surprised laughter over the phone. Then he quiets and sighs.

“Alright, fine. What time did you want to meet?”

“Noon, sharp. Dont be late or you will never see you precious ever again. Mwhaha” I quickly hang up the phone before he can retort.    

“Well, looks like we have a date tomorrow.” I tell the bass. It doesn’t say anything.

“I’m glad you have no objections. Sleep tight.” I turn off the kitchen lights and head to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Be warned of no canon and metal and Ke$ha. And Sex, probably. I’ve been regularly disappointed by lack of Gimli/Legolas. So I wrote my own. Good Omens cameos. Feedback is appreciated. Keep in mind this was mostly a good excuse for me to combine two of my favorite genres and roll around in them. Also I wanted to write something outside the typical "highschool" Romeo and Juliet cliche.   
> So Here, have clubs, and POP punks and Metalheads. Also Un-Beta'd. Beware!


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